Uncategorized, writing

My Vagina Monologue

I recently had the opportunity to join a group of fantastic women and perform in The Vagina Monologues. As I read through the monologues for my audition, I am inspired to tell my own story. There is so much pressure on women to stay quiet and shut up about anything related to vaginas, so sometimes you just need to break the silence.

If you are squeamish about these things I suggest you stop reading, or get over it. Being a woman is an experience that differs for everyone, and it’s important for all genders to understand that.

~

When I reached puberty, my doctor told me “Boys are going to want to touch you now, don’t let them.” He then proceeded to poke and prod me, leaving bruises on my ten year old skin.

You told me that too. You told me your biggest regret was not waiting until marriage, and that I would regret it too. It would feel wrong unless it was with the right person.

But it didn’t.

The first time a boy massaged me there through my clothes he asked “Is this okay?” It felt good. I knew I was supposed to stay stop, but I said “Yes.” I could feel happiness melting through me with each moment. How could this be wrong?

After each encounter I would not feel guilt, but worry that you would somehow be able to tell what I had done. That you could smell it on my breath, like alcohol.

You never knew til I told you part of the truth, and you shamed me. You called me a tease for not going all the way. You said “Don’t you feel gross?” I didn’t. I don’t think I would have at all if not for those words.

Then one day, after you had lifted my ban on seeing him, it happened. His eyes were filled with lust as he thrust his fingers into me. More than usual. It began to hurt, and I tried to pull him hand away but he continued, not noticing the pain I was in. I was to embarrassed of my own body, not confident enough to assert myself to tell him to stop until the pain surpassed a level I could take. I went to the bathroom and bloody clumps on what looked like veins greeted me.

I don’t know what happened to me. I’ve never told this to anyone before. But since that day it doesn’t feel good anymore. His fingers felt uncomfortable. The next guy’s did too. There was little pleasure to be gained. I prayed it was him and not me, that I had not somehow lost that part of myself by not speaking up. I don’t know what has happened to me, but I wish I could talk to you about it. About anything at all. I shouldn’t be so afraid to speak my mind, to tell a man to stop touching MY body. I should love myself, all of myself. I want to love every part of me, the physical, the emotional, my desires, my everything. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. My daughter will know this. I’m going to make sure of that.

 

 

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poetry, Uncategorized, writing

Fall in

Bit more if a song than a poem but hope you enjoy 🙂

I’ve never been here before

Knowing you don’t feel the way I do

But maybe there is hope

Says my brain, I shouldn’t trust it

Someone help me make sense of this

Falling in and out but I know I’m always in

Would saying something bring the relief I seek

Or would it crush me like the piece of paper that I wrote this on

Toss me away like a leaf under a freight train

Spinning over and under endlessly

Never hitting the ground

But you’re always out of reach

Why can’t you see we each have what the other needs

One sided love gets old

So why do I keep falling deeper

Every smile every look warms my heart til it breaks it when you look away again

Why can’t you see me

Why can’t you see us

Why won’t you fall in

Uncategorized, writing, writing advice

My Novel Playlist

Listening to music is what gets me through writing when I don’t want to write. I may not feel like writing but I always feel like listening to music- and the right playlist can get your writing gears spinning.

Here are the songs I’m listening to for my current pirate adventure novel, Hell’s Belles.

Fight/Action Songs:

I Burn, Jeff Williams

This Will Be The Day, Jeff Williams

Ep 1 score- Ruby Rose, Jeff Williams

Red Like Roses Part II, Jeff Williams

Die, Jeff Williams

Forever, Distant Cousins

Everyone wants to Rule the World, Care Bears On Fire

Like Other Girls, Atomic Kitten

Everything Louder Than Everything Else, Meat Loaf

The RWBY soundtrack by Jeff Williams is generally a goldmine for music-  highly recommend the show and soundtracks 🙂

Sea/Piratey Mood Songs:

Girls With Guns, Tommy Shaw

Planning the Revenge, MediaTunes

One Day, Hans Zimmer

Raising the Sail, Phillip Glass

The Medallion Calls, Klaus Badelt

The Black Pearl, Klaus Badelt

To The Pirate’s Cave, Klaus Badelt

He’s A Pirate, Klaus Badelt

yeah pretty much every Pirates of the Caribbean song lol

Love Songs:

One and Only, Teitur

Can’t Behave, Courtney Jaye

Burning in Love, Honeymoon Suite

Cupid, Taylor Phelan

In Her Arms You Will Never Starve, Copeland

My Junk, Cast of Spring Awakening

Me On You, Sleeper Agent

Emotional Songs:

Wings, Jeff Williams

Skinny Love, Birdy

Time After Time, Quietdrive

Run Forever, Dave Thomas Junior

How Did This Happen, Amber Rubarth

Breathe, Ryan Star

Harden My Heart, Quarterfish

Breatheless, Dan Wilson

Rebellion/Angst Songs:

Teenagers, My Chemical Romance

Foolin, Def Leppard

Blow it Out, Great Wolf

From Shadows, Jeff Williams

And Then There Were None, Cast of Spring Awakening

Baba O’Riley, The Who

Character Specific:

White Snow, Red Wanting Blue

Midnight Kids, Nulore

Best Friends, HOLYCHILD

Cold Hard Bitch, Jet

More Adventurous, Rile Kiley

Pierre, Ryn Weaver

Words As Weapons, Birdy

Good Job, Sleeper Agent

 

I found most of these on spotify’s weekly suggestions for me, so I highly recommend that too. Hope you all find that perfect playlist, and happy writing!

Uncategorized, writing, writing advice

How to Outline Your Novel

The first step to writing your novel after you get that award winning idea, is to make an outline for it. *cue groaning*

I know. ‘Outlining is boring.’ And why do you even need to outline anyway? I’d rather just have everything come to me organically.

I had these thoughts too. I also never used to get very far in my novels. I’m here to tell you what I do to make outlining more fun, and how it’s imperative to your novel.

Instead of just writing a boring bulleted list, get out your markers and flash cards. Color code your main plot, sub plots, and characters that go through an arc, and start making cards as you think of them and place them in order on the floor.

This way, you can visually see how much time you are spending on each plot point, and where you are missing some pieces in you plot. This helped me so much in coming up with the middle of my story and getting from point A to point Z.

This way is just so much less stressful, and you can work on it as you come up with ideas. When you’re done, it should look something like this:screen320x480.jpeg

Happy writing everyone!

Uncategorized, writing

Why Writers are the Best Friends

1. They read a lot

Studies have shown that reading books increases your empathy for others like crazy, nothing like a walk in someone else’s shoes to get some perspective

2. They are dedicated

If they are as dedicated to your friendship as they are to their novel, you’ve got yourself a true friend. Someone who spends hours editing the same paragraph will put a lot into a relationship

3. They understand when you’re busy

A writer spends their free time doing work- they get it if you lead a busy life. They’re the friend you can pick back up with after months as if it was only a week

4. They appreciate life

They’ve written about several, so they know how to appreciate the little moments in life and find joy in nature and just spending time with friends. They describe it all the time after all

5. They know the scoop on the good books.

Need a book recommendation? Your writer friend has 50. And they’ll be brutally honest about them too.

6. They’re there when you need them

Writers have to depend on others to help them edit and get their work out there, so they are totally willing to return the favor and will be there when you need them.

Give your writer friends some love today, they deserve it!

Uncategorized, writing

Why I Love My Characters and their World

I have finally reached the point in my novel where I don’t feel awkward writing, or like a stranger trying to describe events I can barely remember. I feel like the master of this world and my characters feel like old friends.

This is such in incredible feeling. The feeling of slipping away into another world I get from reading I can now get from writing, and I am at the wheel. So now it’s like living a lucid dream, I can describe these settings and interactions knowing I am in control.

My characters are beautiful and thriving. They all have their faults and their talents that make them so unique and real to me. I love each and every one of them so much. Maybe because lately I have been feeling a lot more self-love. They are a part of me after all. Veronica has my awkwardness and empathy, Aila has my shyness and loyalty. Curly Sue has my love and pride in others. Nadia has my sexuality. Ester has my skepticism and love of learning. Anne has my leadership and my burdens. Teja has my loneliness and love. Cordelia has the spirit I have tucked away but find some days. I love them all more than words can describe. I am a proud book mama.

But seriously I can get so welled up with pride in them I feel like my heart has grown to encompass these lovely pirate ladies, searching the seas for their paradise in a world that has spurned them for wanting to be who they are. I hope when I finish this journey, you all will love them and their world the way I do.

Prompt, Uncategorized, writing

Character Picture Writing Prompt

This is one of my favorite writing prompts to do with my club, you give people a selection of characters, they choose two and have five minutes to make character bios, then they must write a scene or a story with these two characters. Have fun writers, if you’re feeling brave share what you come up with in the comments below 🙂 My piece will be below the pictures.

people-photography-mistake-8-750px-04.jpgSsquared-Studio-web-design-photography-portrait-people-8-750x502.jpg

(Victoria sits at a desk shuffling papers. Amelia enters and taps on the door. Victoria looks up and makes a face at her appearance.)

V: Oh God.

A: What? Is something wrong?

V:(sighs) No no, come on in. Let’s get this over with.

(Amelia sits, she is uncomfortable)

V:Now then. You are here to interview for the (grimaces) assistant management position?

A: That’s correct. You’ll see on my resume I have a lot of experience. Last summer I was the assistant-

V: Yes yes I’ve seen your resume. (She flips through some more papers) What would you say is your biggest weakness?

A: Oh. Well I suppose I get really excited for projects, and I come up with all these out there ideas, so I have to remember to dial back into reality and make sure my goals are realistic.

V: Yes some of your ideas certainly are out there.

A: Excuse me?

V: Oh nothing.

A: No, what did you mean by that?

V: Well your hair for one thing.

A: What’s wrong with my hair?

V: Well that can’t be your natural color.

A: So what if it isn’t?

V: If you must know it’s highly unprofessional. You look like a teenager, or part of a punk rock band.

A: (really angry now) Well maybe expressing some individuality is a good thing, certainly better than having a stick up your butt. Who are you to judge me? You don’t know why I decided to color my hair or a damn thing about me.

V: Your attitude tells me enough.You aren’t getting this job.

A: The job description said they wanted someone who would bring originality and ingenuity to the company.

V: Yes, well I think you are a little TOO original.

A: TOO original? There’s no such thing. You would be so lucky to have me working here. Tell me, when was the last time you did something creative? When was the last time you did anything other than track back and forth from your 9-5, have lunch on the weekends with the girlfriends, and had boring missionary sex with your boyfriend?

V: (stunned, Amelia nailed her) Well… I-

A: Life is a beautiful and short thing. Do me a favor and stop wasting it trying to fit in with everyone else. (Amelia rises and strides towards the door) I want to work for a company that accepts me and encourages me to be who I am. (She exits.)

(Victoria sits there stunned for a moment. She takes out a small mirror and examines her face in it, frowning. Then, she takes down her hair, slides off her shoes, and dials a number on her phone.)

V: Phillip? There’s something we should talk about…

THE END